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6 Tips to being happy & single everyday

6 Tips to being happy & single everyday

Heart break sucks… So does being lonely, but why does being single mean we have to connect it with being lonely, or unlovable. I am here to say that you don’t have to be alone and lonely.
What is loneliness? It is a desperate need to find you, to be comfortable with yourself and comforted by yourself. It is not about who we have surrounding us in our lives even though we look to people to make us feel included.
How often do you hear, “WHAT! You’re single? What is wrong with you?” So many times that we now actually believe that there is something wrong with us. This then makes us think we are unworthy and that we need a relationship in order to be considered lovable or acceptable, in turn this leads us to dating the wrong person and ultimately the relationship ends… horribly. We are then shit scared of finding love again because it may end like the last one and hurt like a mofo and no way do we want to go through all the pain and hurt again like we did last time!!
Instead we ignore what we truly want, then discover that suppressing what we really want can only last so long before it bubbles up and causes more long-term unhappiness. I know there is a better way for you to experience long-term happiness despite your relationship status.
You are not alone in feeling alone. It is normal after being hurt badly, but it is effecting your happiness, our connection with ourselves and other people which in turn causes us to have meaningless and brief connections/relationships all whilst longing and hoping to find love again – we are doing this dance around our emotions – protecting them but actually hurting them. In the short term we avoid any commitment, dating or anything that may mean getting hurt again,

“I avoid love because I am unhappy, I am unhappy because I avoid love – It is a vicious cycle!! “ – Belinda

I believe that this is a reason why there is more casual sex, tinder dates and less actual dating now than ever before and therefore this trend has impacted the amount of genuine-connected relationships and reduced marriage. Sounds extremely isolating and conflicting to me, do you truly want this to be the case forever?
I am not saying that these having casual relationships is a bad thing, as long as you are doing it for the right reasons and you are happy doing that, not because you are filling a gap or void. You just need to decide if this situation is a short-term, band-aid fix to help you to feel connected and briefly remove the feeling of being alone whilst avoiding getting hurt again, or if you are really happy being single.
The short-term fix can be fun to start with but then it can also lead to long-term sadness, for two reasons;

  1. We are ignoring what we truly want
  2. Each time we don’t hear from that person again we are going through the emotion of more “rejection” which leads us wondering what is wrong with me and then looking for the next fix.

It is kind of like an addiction. I feel lonely so I need a hit of company – ooh look, Tinder! Next we come down from the high and the reality of being lonely sets in so we repeat. This cycle will continuously repeat if you don’t start breaking this cycle by using the six tips that are coming very soon.
The main reason we do this is to avoid getting hurt, but getting hurt is not the problem. In life we will get hurt, by many things and many people, it is about how you deal with and handle the outcome that counts moving forward.

Right now you feel like you have hit rock bottom, as the last relationship was a doozy!! Avoiding love and connection is not the solution either.
Being happy and single first will enable you to find the right kind of love that you deserve and never fear getting hurt again. How do you do it?

  1. Be grateful, not hateful. Things will happen in life to divert you to what is meant to be, a break up is merely a diversion to what you are truly meant to be doing – embrace it
  1. Become comfortable and appreciative of time on your own. There may be times in your life ahead that become hectic and you will be wishing you had time to yourself. Reconnect with you during these times
  1. Appreciate time with friends; you may even make choices about which friends you keep close – uplifting positive ones are always little gems that should be cherished.
  1. Learn to love your good bits and the bits you wish you could change – as they are. Don’t compare yourself to others, only to what you wish to achieve and keep striving for that. Your opinion of being single differs from the next and you don’t need to justify why you are single to anyone.
  1. Understand that the way people act is not because of you, this is a projection of their own self-worth, they are enforcing their opinion on to you based on the judgment and lessons they have received from others. Uncovering self-love will enable you to not take things personally anymore.
  1. Stop avoiding and start taking risks – the biggest risks have the biggest rewards. You can deal with the outcome when and IF it occurs.

Reconnecting with yourself and the steps I discussed will enable you to be more confident about being on your own and finding the genuine-connected love you are looking at the right time and you will never fear getting hurt again – loneliness is just as painful.

We are all alone, but we are all in that together. Being single does not mean you are unworthy, unlovable and definitely should not make you feel lonely. Don’t give other people permission to allow you to feel that way, we all have different opinions and we are all in control of our own emotions, and regardless of what others do or say to you, don’t allow or give them permission to make you feel any other way.
Walk your path confidently with self-love and you will always feel in good company.

It’s Becoming a Barbie World

It’s Becoming a Barbie World

Is life in plastic really fantastic?

I can understand and appreciate why people do it, but is it really necessary 100% of the time and reasons we have it done? It may be for the short term but what about the bigger picture.

I am airing my frustrations a little at the moment in the hope that I may cause a break-through.  As secure as I am in myself, sometimes I feel the need to go and get breast implants, a tummy tuck and Botox to feel as though I am worthy of finding love or being recognised by someone that doesn’t get distracted by the next bikini model that comes along.

This frustration is short lived once I rediscover my inner cheerleader again. I am not jealous and I don’t feel inferior to other women,  I am all about the love and support and I acknowledge the hard work and effort it takes to being fit and healthy as I myself have lost 22kg, I feel frustrated that we have gone so far into this phase of plastic surgery, that I am questioning if we have forgotten what true beauty is and how it feels.

Originally plastic surgery was created for people with skin disfigurements or burns via the use of skin grafts, then breast implants were created for women who had breast cancer so they could live normally and feel like they can face the world.  From there it has evolved so much that I think we are abusing it too much and have gone to the extreme which is  “pricing ourselves” out of the market.
By that I mean, every time another woman gets her breasts or lips done, it becomes “the norm” for men and women to accept and if you haven’t had anything done it seems that natural beauty is becoming less and less attractive so in turn we are doing ourselves an injustice.  We have now fallen into this pattern of “perfection” and see natural beauty as flawed, despite the fact we do the #nomakeup selfie from time to time.  I think we need to stop and reassess.

Did Barbie set these standards for women?  Was it men and their ideals?  Was it women and our insecurities?  Where it all began it doesn’t matter, it is how we handle it now.

“The meaning of true beauty versus the beauty we think society wants, is defined by having a good plastic surgeon instead of strong self-esteem” – Belinda Love

The sad thing about this is society’s demands for what beauty should be overrides true beauty.
I am very happy with the fact that society has learned to accept our choices regarding plastic surgery, but why can’t we accept people and love them JUST THE WAY THEY ARE?  It would be far cheaper and less painful.
What I am about to say may offend and trigger some emotions regarding the reasons we look to plastic surgery, but it has to be said and hopefully this opens your views to the fact that with positive reinforcement and self-love you can start to change not only how you feel about yourself, but the world, in many ways. We can redefine beauty, we can allow the world to love ourselves regardless, we can stop this ridiculous spiral into the only way we can be beautiful is by being perfect.  I am not saying however, that we shouldn’t be healthy and eat well and exercise for health and fitness.

“What we don’t like in ourselves we criticise in others, so if we first start with loving ourselves there will be less judgement and criticism in the world.” – Belinda Love


We are doing ourselves an injustice by trying to look the way we think a man wants us to look and spending thousands of dollars on surgery when instead we should be embracing ourselves and encouraging one another to feel beautiful despite our cup size or lip thickness or wrinkles.
If you want to get these things done, I ask you to consider a few things before you take yourself under the knife.
1. Are you doing it to be loved and accepted by others?
2. What is the real reason you need to change your body?
3. Have you had an accident or illness?
5. Can you overcome these negative mindsets with a new focus and self-love?
6. The long term effects
7. Are there other options
Each time we change ourselves we are setting a precedence for men to expect this is what beauty is and the evolution of this process will become worse and worse and harder to maintain to the point where it is standard not optional.  It is easier to be grateful, appreciate and love yourself with practice.
I think the situation is spiralling out of control and whilst I don’t judge people for doing things to their body as it is your own body, I am getting very frustrated at the fact we look to enhance the physical rather than the emotional and in turn live in a superficial, unconscious society driven by Instagram and Facebook showing how sexy we look rather than sharing how beautiful we feel.

The only people who get to define beauty is us, Marilyn Monroe was considered beautiful in her day, who the bloody hell made the decision from her day that beauty had to be “perfection”?  Only we can define beauty and that comes from mindset and perception. If we change the way we perceive beauty we get to simply be ourselves.
Beauty is really defined by..
1. Our mindset and language
2. Self-love
3. Not succumbing to looking like everyone else by changing our appearance
4. Staying unique and bringing our own personality
Do what you want with your body but be mindful of the reasons first and acknowledge the people that love you for you despite what society deems is “perfect”.  Those people are in fact the best people to have in your life, they see you for you and love you despite all that other crap society says.
You are beautiful as you are and someone will love you – choose your health both physically and emotionally and you will be happy.