We often live in fear and loneliness because we are avoiding heartbreak yet yearn for love.
This podcast discusses the exact things holding us back from finding the love we deserve and going from perpetually single to perpetually happy.
To get access to the PDF that reveals the seven most common love-blocks head here
Thank you for tuning in! xx
After failing to find love on The Bachelor I considered applying for Married at First Sight myself for a few reasons;
1) They do the background and compatibility checks
2) Someone is potentially going on there for love and I wouldn’t have to get the whole hey wanna “netfix n chill” conversation (if I was paired with the right person that is haha)
3) It is an interesting once in a lifetime experience that can enable self-development
4) It could save time dating all the wrong people (or waste time being paired with the wrong person)
5) At least on this show I get my own partner and I don’t have to compete with 22 other women, well unless you are on the current season of MAF’s haha.
After watching this season, I have a lot of doubt and questions around the casting, pairing, and the intentions of the people on the show. I would have to experience it myself to truly understand, but from my Bachelor experience and what I have seen, the show is based around two things; love and drama.
It is very apparent that some couples are matched for love, whilst others are matched for drama and drawing out the worst in each-other. Duh of course, silly me didn’t realise before I went on Bachie that TV is geared for ratings and unfortunately the show is not interesting without drama as most people get a bit bored of just the lovey dovey stuff, it is a shame to say it, but that is the reality of “reality tv”.
As for MAF’s, there are some amazing matches that are definitely smashing it in the love department, which caters for one demographic, then there are the intense dramatic couples that are clearly hating their time which keeps us wanting more. I don’t agree with it but we as consumers drive the content on TV so they will give us what we want and that means it can be at the expense of someone’s personal life, having said that, we do know the potential risks when we go on.
The reality of Davina, Ryan, Dean, and Tracey, and it pains me to say this, is that situation is quite common today and is very relatable. I am not condoning this behaviour in any way shape or form, I am saying however, it is a clear depiction of what is going wrong with relationships today and why some people are still single looking for love – a combination of a lack of integrity, communication breakdowns, love-blocks regarding feelings and vulnerability and this is why I am passionate about being a love coach.
I totally understand that Davina is there for herself, she deserves love, we all do, but there is self-love and there is sheer lack of compassion, self-awareness and being mindful of other people’s feelings, and that is where I draw the line.
Is Davina there for love of fame? Her intentions are unclear amongst others on the show, whilst I don’t know them all personally, my opinion can only be formed based on her actions on the show, yes the show is cut and edited but her words and her actions are true to her, I have also heard from a source that she ended a relationship to go on the show, and that she in fact said to one of my friends “she would steal her boyfriend if she wanted to” and despite that being hearsay it all stacks up after what we have seen.
Both Davina and Dean lacked integrity and self-awareness on the show and I feel whilst Davina was the instigator, Dean did follow along with it all and, you know, tried to innocently “play his cards”. I liken the situation to “monkey vining”, it is where you are assessing which partner is best for you whilst holding on to both of them before making your final decision, we should have integrity and let go of the one you are questioning first before you “cheat” or make your decision.
“Monkey Vining Definition; It is the act of transitioning from one relationship to another by retaining some form of connection to both people simultaneously. Only when the new relationship is reasonably solidified is the former one wholly released.”
There are more people in the equation outside of them and that means there are more feelings involved. I will always say go for what you want and do what makes you happy, but not at the cost of other people’s happiness, you can always be mindful of others and have integrity with your actions whilst taking care of your own needs. Instead of going behind people’s backs, I believe they should have ended their “marriages” first before pursuing the other.
Dean didn’t want to pursue Davina because of her dominating personality and Troy is struggling with Ash because of her domineering attitude towards communication, both are prime examples as to why relationships are failing, men don’t know their place and women are becoming more masculine in their approach to dating, but that is a whole different discussion.
I am extremely impressed by Tracey, she shows class, integrity, grace and a lot of self-love. I feel marriage is about thick and thin and she made the choice to continue with Dean to see if he is the right one, the divorce rate is rising all the time because we are always looking for the “next best thing” instead of working on what we have right now. I hate to break it to you but we need to mow the lawn on the other side as well.
Tracey’s actions can be perceived as being insecure or needy but I think it shows strength, determination and goes against the norm of “hit it and quit it”. If we all had this attitude of acceptance, trust and determination, we would see less breakups and more success when it comes to love. It does obviously take two to tango so if Tracey keeps putting in effort with no return it is time to say goodbye. Do I think Dean is right for Tracey based on what I have seen? No, but I admire her strength and determination and only she can work that out for herself, we have no right to judge and impose our opinions.
We all need to put in effort to encourage someone to invest in us, instead of putting in effort in looking for the next best thing. The ball doesn’t always sit in the other persons court, we need to be accountable for our own actions as well as understand if we can accept the other persons “imperfections” as no one is perfect.
Whilst it is reality TV, it does depict a certain element of what we are dealing with when it comes to love. It isn’t all doom and gloom, but the buck does stop with what we will and won’t allow into our lives – know your worth and work through the challenges.
Is life in plastic really fantastic?
I can understand and appreciate why people do it, but is it really necessary 100% of the time and reasons we have it done? It may be for the short term but what about the bigger picture.
I am airing my frustrations a little at the moment in the hope that I may cause a break-through. As secure as I am in myself, sometimes I feel the need to go and get breast implants, a tummy tuck and Botox to feel as though I am worthy of finding love or being recognised by someone that doesn’t get distracted by the next bikini model that comes along.
This frustration is short lived once I rediscover my inner cheerleader again. I am not jealous and I don’t feel inferior to other women, I am all about the love and support and I acknowledge the hard work and effort it takes to being fit and healthy as I myself have lost 22kg, I feel frustrated that we have gone so far into this phase of plastic surgery, that I am questioning if we have forgotten what true beauty is and how it feels.
Originally plastic surgery was created for people with skin disfigurements or burns via the use of skin grafts, then breast implants were created for women who had breast cancer so they could live normally and feel like they can face the world. From there it has evolved so much that I think we are abusing it too much and have gone to the extreme which is “pricing ourselves” out of the market.
By that I mean, every time another woman gets her breasts or lips done, it becomes “the norm” for men and women to accept and if you haven’t had anything done it seems that natural beauty is becoming less and less attractive so in turn we are doing ourselves an injustice. We have now fallen into this pattern of “perfection” and see natural beauty as flawed, despite the fact we do the #nomakeup selfie from time to time. I think we need to stop and reassess.
Did Barbie set these standards for women? Was it men and their ideals? Was it women and our insecurities? Where it all began it doesn’t matter, it is how we handle it now.
“The meaning of true beauty versus the beauty we think society wants, is defined by having a good plastic surgeon instead of strong self-esteem” – Belinda Love
The sad thing about this is society’s demands for what beauty should be overrides true beauty.
I am very happy with the fact that society has learned to accept our choices regarding plastic surgery, but why can’t we accept people and love them JUST THE WAY THEY ARE? It would be far cheaper and less painful.
What I am about to say may offend and trigger some emotions regarding the reasons we look to plastic surgery, but it has to be said and hopefully this opens your views to the fact that with positive reinforcement and self-love you can start to change not only how you feel about yourself, but the world, in many ways. We can redefine beauty, we can allow the world to love ourselves regardless, we can stop this ridiculous spiral into the only way we can be beautiful is by being perfect. I am not saying however, that we shouldn’t be healthy and eat well and exercise for health and fitness.
“What we don’t like in ourselves we criticise in others, so if we first start with loving ourselves there will be less judgement and criticism in the world.” – Belinda Love
We are doing ourselves an injustice by trying to look the way we think a man wants us to look and spending thousands of dollars on surgery when instead we should be embracing ourselves and encouraging one another to feel beautiful despite our cup size or lip thickness or wrinkles.
If you want to get these things done, I ask you to consider a few things before you take yourself under the knife.
1. Are you doing it to be loved and accepted by others?
2. What is the real reason you need to change your body?
3. Have you had an accident or illness?
5. Can you overcome these negative mindsets with a new focus and self-love?
6. The long term effects
7. Are there other options
Each time we change ourselves we are setting a precedence for men to expect this is what beauty is and the evolution of this process will become worse and worse and harder to maintain to the point where it is standard not optional. It is easier to be grateful, appreciate and love yourself with practice.
I think the situation is spiralling out of control and whilst I don’t judge people for doing things to their body as it is your own body, I am getting very frustrated at the fact we look to enhance the physical rather than the emotional and in turn live in a superficial, unconscious society driven by Instagram and Facebook showing how sexy we look rather than sharing how beautiful we feel.
The only people who get to define beauty is us, Marilyn Monroe was considered beautiful in her day, who the bloody hell made the decision from her day that beauty had to be “perfection”? Only we can define beauty and that comes from mindset and perception. If we change the way we perceive beauty we get to simply be ourselves.
Beauty is really defined by..
1. Our mindset and language
3. Not succumbing to looking like everyone else by changing our appearance
4. Staying unique and bringing our own personality
Do what you want with your body but be mindful of the reasons first and acknowledge the people that love you for you despite what society deems is “perfect”. Those people are in fact the best people to have in your life, they see you for you and love you despite all that other crap society says.
You are beautiful as you are and someone will love you – choose your health both physically and emotionally and you will be happy.