Ummmm, where did you go? What the bloody hell just happened? Things seemed ok, well ok enough that going MIA was not justified in the slightest!
Has this happened to you?
Well, strap yourself in because I am about to explain why, help you find closure and hold the ghosters accountable for their actions because quite frankly – I am sick of this behaviour and if you have done this or have experienced it, this will become a little raw.
This way of dealing with things is happening all a bit too often lately and I want to put a stop to this treatment – it is hurtful, selfish and cowardly.
Ok, let me first explain why people do this – not to justify their actions, but more to offer clarity and give you tools to find closure when they never gave you any verbal closure themselves.
Why do people just go AWAL, ghost, disappear with no words or a simple one line text?
- They fear the confrontation
- They don’t want to hurt you
- They don’t see a need to communicate with you because THEY have moved on (this makes me cranky)
- They think avoidance is better than an argument because they just assume that you will get the hint and move on after time anyway *rolls eyes
Whilst the “perpetrator” or perp I shall call them, thinks it is the easiest way, it is in fact the worst way to handle a situation. I know that we all deal with situations differently, but we are also accountable for our actions and we can transform anything and handle situations better in order to make peace with it – for all parties involved.
We are born with two fears, falling and abandonment, and when you leave without a trace this is seen as being abandoned on a subconscious level and cuts far deeper than if you were to suck it up and say the truth. “But this will cause confrontation” you say, yes but it depends on how you approach it. You can run away, but is that really holding yourself with integrity and being compassionate? Do you really feel good about yourself by treating someone like that?
A conversation without negative emotion, but with empathy, may hurt them in the short term but I promise you, this will aid them in the grieving process, in turn enabling them to move on. Often the pain of wondering what happened, what did I do wrong, I need to know, is far worse than the conversation you have with someone to offer them closure.
If this has happened to you, or if it does happen to you in the future, as I can’t promise that all people everywhere will all of a sudden become kind and start having the conversations required (harsh but true) I have some steps for you to follow to find the peace you deserve.
Here are a few steps for you to find closure when they don’t offer it to you;
- Know that you didn’t do anything wrong, you were simply not compatible
- Don’t text and contact continuously as this will justify their reasons for leaving and reflect poorly on you
- There is closure in the no reply. I am not condoning this, but if you don’t hear from them you can be certain that it is over and move on to find someone that will treat you the way you deserve
- Don’t dwell on it, you deserve to be treated with far more respect and compassion than that and they have done you a favour
Whilst I believe we are all adults and should handle situations with love, even when they aren’t the best conversations to have. By having the sticky conversation with them, you will always be handling yourself with high values and in turn you will attract people into your life with high values. You don’t need verbal closure to have closure but it is still nice to have.
These are just a few steps to handling this situation and you can find many more in my book Breaking Down the Breakup. It will offer you the peace of mind you deserve when you can’t find it with the ex.